Books

Those are not contemporary (they all died) but as far as witty/funny/weird is concerned I think they they deserve their place:

• I've not read him in 30 years or so but have sweet memories of Tom Sharpe's witty and delightfully dry and absurd sense of humor (he probably would be frowned upon nowadays by a few people, but who cares?). I imagine his most well known work is the 'Wilt' books. Heck, just thinking of a certain ostrich race I want to re-read the book.
• J.K. Toole 'A Confederacy of Dunces'. But this one is much thicker, and not just in size.
• P. G. Wodehouse. His Jeeves stories, and also his not Jeeves stories.

In French, focusing more on the ‘witty’ side of your quest, my first pick would be Frédéric Dard, I've only read him in French but I think there are a few English translations of his amazing blend of crime/satirical/cynical/witty novels. Think of him as some kind of Chandler on steroids as far as pilling up on (not always) funny jokes is concerned. The dude mastered the French language like few but instead of writing grammar treatises and academical work, he decided he would have fun with it ;)

Is there a reason you’re looking for contemporary writers? I mean, there are a lot of older works that are ranking quite high in the weird/surreal/witty.

Any suggestions would depend what you already like and are used to read… I mean, you mentioned Dick, laybe try one by the Polish writer Stanislas Lem? He is a lot less funny, he is very different and can be a lot drier too, but not less weird and stimulating.

As far as weird is concerned, what are you looking for? Horror/frightening type of stories? Then I would suggest Shirley Jackson maybe not for her limited and dry sense of humor, but her ‘The Haunting of Hill House’ is considered a classic of haunted house stories for excellent reasons: it’s real weird. Or Lizza Tuttle (I would say she is amazing, if you ask me).

If you're looking for more 'disturbing' than just weird, there are a handful of writers that are worth reading too. I mean, not just real weirdos but amazing writers too. But those I won't publicly list online, not in our so very obsessed with cancelling/censoring whatever one doesn't agree with.