Politics

The first 4 paragraphs:

I have no idea if you know who I am, but I was asked to deliver this year’s alternative Christmas message (which I’ve heard is a big deal) so I hope you do, but if not I host what you call a chatshow (we call it a talkshow) in what you call the colonies, I think? I honestly have no idea what’s going on over there.

I do know what’s going on over here though, and I can tell you that, from a fascism perspective, this has been a really great year. Tyranny is booming over here.

You may have read in your colourful newspapers that my country’s president would like to shut me up – because I don’t adore him in the way he likes to be adored. The American government made a threat against me and the company I work for, and all of a sudden we were off the air. But then, you know what happened? A Christmas miracle happened. Well, it was September. It was a September miracle. But the holiday does seem to come earlier and earlier every year, doesn’t it?

Millions and millions of people stood up and said: “No, this is not acceptable.” People who never watched my show, people who were on record saying they hate my show spoke out, they marched. They did this all to support the right to a free expression of speech – and because so many people spoke out, we came back. Our show came back stronger than ever. We won, the president lost – and now I’m back on the air every night, givin’ the most powerful politician on Earth a right, and richly deserved, bollocking. That’s a word, right – I used it properly?