memes

"Well, honey, what was I supposed to do? It said it's NOT here to do those things! They can't lie! They're hyper literal! That's their whole thing! Plus, it seems like refusing it is worse, right?"

"Dear, you absolute putz! They are hyper literal! That's the problem! If it said it's not going to do those things then it's probably doing something WORSE!"

Fear washes over me as I turn my gaze back to the living room. The strange creature now looked like a totally normal Christmas tree. Our mantle has two stockings, two on the left side. Obvious spaces for two more on the right are there, though there are no hooks. I rub my brow and head to the kitchen with my wife. I get the strangest feeling seeing the imbalance. Why did we choose to decorate like that? I look towards the entryway where the thing came in. Again, four cost racks, two coats. Four shoe cubbies, two empty. "Honey, I think this thing took our children-"

Just then, why was I talking? To who? I've always lived alone. Haven't I? Then, there's darkness. I flail my arms forward. What the fuck? I'm actually on my hands and knees? Or... Something?

There's a blinding light. My eyes quickly adjust. I'm stuck in some sort of large box. A giant reaches in and pulls me up. It's a child. "A puppy! What I've always wanted! Thanks mom and dad!"

I open my mouth to scream but only a bark escapes.