So weird. I just ran into an old friend I hadn't spoken to in a couple of years. She does this thing where if people stop speaking to her for a period of time she gets all shitty with them and ignores them (which is different somehow, and not doing exactly the same thing she's condemning them for) she makes them jump through hoops to prove they're worthy of her time again, if they message her again later. (Without speaking to them about how she's feeling.) She spoke to me about doing this to one of her friends. Randomly, my life went to hell, I didn't keep up with regular messaging, (neither did she) I tried to reach out and apologise, and explain that depression has hit me hard and I'm struggling to be able to message people, plus I think I'm adhd, and entirely time blind. She briefly acknowledged my message, I tried to message more, but I was so overwhelmed by chaos my life had become, and depression contact dropped again. I could see in all her answers she wasn't enthusiastic to speak to me, and it felt like she was tolerating me, rather than engaging, and she was fobbing me off with "busy, just running out the door" but then not getting back to me later. So I took the hint, she didn't seem to want me in her life any more. It was really hurtful.

Then I run into her, and she spots me, I would have walked right past, she pulls me over and wide eyes says hey how are you. Light catch up ensues, she mentions she has a new job now and I said I didn't realise she was working, and she goes "oh wow," and rolls her eyes, at me, and acts like it's a big thing I'm not caught up on her life, with a side tone of wow, you let the ball drop, didn't you. Just fuck. I'm debating sending her a message telling her what's what, because she abandoned me at a time when I was (and still am) really struggling. And that as much as if she's angry at me for not keeping up communication, she didn't either.

I don't understand the disconnect in thinking that the world (or your world of friends) needs to revolve around you and if they don't keep up with your doings, it's not that they need care, or consideration, or they might have things going on that means they can't give you as much attention. And there's no reciprocal attention, the world just revolves around her.

I'm so mad! But also, she's anti Vax and God only knows what else, so meh.