this post was submitted on 09 Dec 2025
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Traumatic growth is real, but its not the thing that necessarily occurs
And crucially: keeping yourself open for things you do not have, being someone who can heal back to something with the same emotional parts as normal leaves you relying on things you don't have, empty places prone to collapse.
Or you give up on that shit, and patch those gaps with other things to heal; become something alien and strange. Not necessarily better.
Oh we be maladaptive asf up in this bitch. Or more likely always were, in the absence of constructive help in formative years.
But say I want to not be a workaholic burnout anymore, what do you mean by relying on simmering that you don't have? Is that something you've done before?
No I mean if you for example leave room in your heart for supportive friends while not having supportive friends you're gonna have a much rougher time than if you just close the wound.
Oh. Brutal. Maybe I needed to hear that, there was a part of me that waited for way too long for "found family" until recently. Maybe at least I don't have to feel bad about giving up on that
It's not a judgment on whether you should or shouldn't, but the more you leave in place the standard o0enness to/reliance on a thing, the more not having it is going yo hurt/disable you. That's not to say it's a binary. There are creative adaptations and shit¹, and sometimes its smart to hold out, its not purely scar tissue/bleeding. More like having a room for someone to stay, and cleaning out their shit yo be a mechanical room or gym or torture dungeon or whatever. No value judgment here; I'm not your mom.
¹with their own cost in alienation and legibility
No, that's sound. There's a lot of lip service paid to how fundamentally wrong and what a moral failure it is to ever be lacking something. You know, like in the current crisis of meaning that men in my culture are widely experiencing. But very little discussion about what addressing that lack even looks like, so I appreciate your weighing in. Also for not judging my torture room.
I'm absolutely judging your torture room. Floor drain under carpet?
Ankle deep water and I make people wear denim pants/wool socks. So, no drain
You put a floor drain under carpet and clogged it?
Hey I said I had a torture dungeon, not that I was smart inside my torture dungeon. Besides, you can't have dry ankles in my torture dungeon.
Like I said; am absolutely judging.
:(