this post was submitted on 19 Nov 2025
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Programmer Humor

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[โ€“] saltesc@lemmy.world 19 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (16 children)

SQL enjoyer?

Every time I use it I feels like I'm going back to the 90s. No variables, no functions; Oh but you can do a CTE or subquery.......๐Ÿ‘

UNION ALL, UNION ALL, UNION ALL... "There's got to be a better way, surely..."

looks up better way

"Oh, what the fuck?!.... Nope, this will just be quicker..." UNION ALL, UNION ALL, UNION ALL...

Join in a table sharing column names... Everything breaks. You gotta put the new prefixes in front of all the headers you called in now. In every select, in every where, etc... Which is weird because that kinda works like a variable and it's fine...

"When you see this little piece of text, it means all this, got it?"

"Okay. Yep. Easy."

"So why can't you do that with expressions?"

SQL SCREAMS MANICALLY

"Okay, okay, okay!... Jesus..."

And then you try put a MAX in a where and it won't let you because you gotta pull all the maxes out in their own query, make a table, join them in, and use them like a filter...

I hate it. It has speed, when you can finally run the script, but everything up to that is so...ugh.

[โ€“] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 14 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Personally I feel like SQL syntax is upside down, and things are used before they are defined.

SELECT 
a.id -- what the fuck is a?
, a.name
, b.city -- and b??
from users a -- oh 
join city b on a.id = b.user_id -- oh here's b

I'd expect it to instead be like

From users a
join city b on a.id = b.user_id
SELECT
a.id,
a.name,
b.city
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