this post was submitted on 07 Nov 2025
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[–] cassandrafatigue@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Dunno, but I am. It seems like the only way tbh.

[–] caseyweederman@lemmy.ca 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Me too. My strategy is to wait for extroverts to adopt me.

[–] dditty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 2 weeks ago

Yeah that hasn't worked for me yet...

[–] joulethief@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I hope you don't mind me digging a little deeper then because I suspect I'm heading this way too!

  1. How old were you when you decided you're going to live poly?

  2. Have you been in monogamic relationships prior to that? How'd that work out?

  3. Are feelings of jealousy and loneliness still a thing for you?

I'll leave it at that for now; if you don't feel comfortable answering feel free do DM me!

[–] cassandrafatigue@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
  1. Late teens, but I wasnt dating yet. Monogamy just seemed absurd.

  2. No. Just the thought of love coming with a built in opportunity cost, having extremely nonstandard emotions, living life entirely off-script, and having an extremely 'cat person' mentality, it seemed weird to impose some arbitrary bullshit limit on myself. 'Relationship anarchism' might be a better descriptor for my approach, but nobody knows what that means.

  3. Jealously was never my thing. Loneliness I'm quite good at; yes.

[–] joulethief@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Oh I do know what that means! But I get why you say that most people don't. Good on you for figuring things out early.

[–] cassandrafatigue@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Not that it helped. Turns out being right about basically everything is the absolute worst thing you can do.

[–] joulethief@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

As in being perceived a pessimist because you see through the everyday bullshit? Or what do you mean?

[–] cassandrafatigue@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Being alone because I won't jump off a cliff with people, being excluded or demonized for not being g retarded and evil, and being blamed for the failures of others when i explained why they would fail and proposed some alternative(s) that might not¹, and much worse along the same lines.

¹i think they're really sloppified and just link the memory of the concepts of 'that bitch cassandrafatigue' 'failure' and 'thing I failed at' and just see that as a good enough target to lash out at. It makes it hard to feel like these things walking around me are fully people. The only utility to being correct is siding with team evil or doing big shorts, and I don't fucking want to do that.

[–] joulethief@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I see. I really hope you'll find your tribe eventually. It will take time, sometimes more sometimes less depending on where you are, but keep looking. There are good people out there who share your values.

[–] cassandrafatigue@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

your tribe

Not into that, after what I've been through. 5he whole tribalistic way of relating is exactly my problem.

take time

I'm almost 40, dear. They don't exist. Send your platitudes elsewhere.

good people

Not supposed to be. Not sure I even subscribe to the idea

who share your values

On paper as part of a tribal identity, sure. We don't really get along. And every mm I grow unbound to others, there are fewer of them.