English is a creole gone feral.

Some poor sheep farmers who thought the Thames was a lovely bit of river spent one thousand years getting rolled by the Picts, the Romans, the Angles, the Normans, the Saxons, the Franks, the Danes... and half of those were just the French wearing different hats. All of these conquerors, heirs, and particularly rowdy tourists left a significant linguistic impact on this mongrel archipelago of mayonnaise-filled peasants.