Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

Anon is often crazy.
Anon is often depressed.
Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works

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Anon has had enough (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 2 weeks ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works

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[–] problembasedperson@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

So this happens because the urethra loses moisture and welds shut, then pee chooses the least-resistance path. If you can't pee sitting ('cause it's easier), one trick is to clamp your dick and push to pee, then release. The pressure will open the urethra wide and a beautiful, directed stream of piss will come out. Also, pull your foreskin back when peeing and clean afterwards with a dab of toilet paper. Fellating persons will thank you!

[–] UnfairUtan@lemmy.world 21 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I stopped reading at "clamp your dick"

[–] Zoomboingding@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

That trick works. Before you pee, gently squeeze the tip vertically to open up the urethra.

[–] johsny@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Usually I just slam mine in the door, twice for best results.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 8 points 2 weeks ago

I do it regardless if I need to pee or not

[–] Jax@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I think there's a gulf of difference between 'gently squeeze' and 'clamp your dick', but ok.

[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 weeks ago

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 4 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

That wasn't the trick they were talking about. They were saying to start peeing, but prevent the flow of urine to let pressure build up to blast open the urethra.

I'm no urologist, but that sounds unhealthy.

[–] Zoomboingding@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Oh, I misunderstood because that's abhorrent

[–] absGeekNZ@lemmy.nz 2 points 2 weeks ago

But it works......probably should not use that as a test for things on your body....

It's all good if it works....NO!

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

Not dangerous but you'll prolly piss on your fingers.

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Well, if that's too scary for you, you can always blow a bit into it to inflate the urethra.

[–] UnfairUtan@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

Gear... Third

[–] rockerface@lemmy.cafe 1 points 2 weeks ago

The ol' dick clamp

[–] Allero@lemmy.today 4 points 2 weeks ago

Thanks for a urethra lifehack! Might save me at times :D