this post was submitted on 27 Oct 2025
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Polyamory

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So I'm completely new to this and this is a recent self discovery, but I've been in a monogamous relationship for 18 years. I was married to him for 11 of those years, but a couple years ago, I (fedia.io)
submitted 2 months ago by Zeke@fedia.io to c/polyamory@lemmy.world
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So I'm completely new to this and this is a recent self discovery, but I've been in a monogamous relationship for 18 years. I was married to him for 11 of those years, but a couple years ago, I started feeling trapped and was starting to fall for other people and we just stopped getting along for a while so I decided I wanted to call it off both for his sake and mine. I learned a lot about myself in the time we were separated and I'm still learning. We got divorced and then, after some time, I started falling for him again because we had both been working on ourselves and we were still on good terms, but now I have a problem. I'm falling for another guy while also loving my current partner. My current partner knows because I opened up to him about it, but he doesn't want me to pursue anyone else. He wants to stay monogamous and I understand that he's scared, but I feel like I've got a hole in my life. I love my partner, I love this life I have, but I have so much more to give and I wanna share this life with another. I don't really know what to do or how to stop feeling this way

(Update) I won't be responding to this anymore. I got a few helpful responses, but I'm tired of the people who think the worst of me for loving 2 people. Thank you to those who did help

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[–] Zeke@fedia.io 1 points 2 months ago

@OmgItBurns@discuss.online I can answer one part of this already because I've already watched my partner with someone else and was okay with it. He dated someone else while we were separated and it didn't bother me. I care about him getting what he needs too and his happiness.

From what I know about the other guy, he was dating 2 people when we met so chances are yes. I haven't said anything about this to him yet though. I'm just working through things first and making sure I don't make a mess. I have been interested in others while with my partner as well, but never put the pieces together like I can now.

I appreciate your input! I intend to take this slowly and let things happen naturally. Plus side, my current partner tends to do his own research into things like this so maybe he'll come around in time. Thank you!