this post was submitted on 27 Oct 2025
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Polyamory

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So I'm completely new to this and this is a recent self discovery, but I've been in a monogamous relationship for 18 years. I was married to him for 11 of those years, but a couple years ago, I started feeling trapped and was starting to fall for other people and we just stopped getting along for a while so I decided I wanted to call it off both for his sake and mine. I learned a lot about myself in the time we were separated and I'm still learning. We got divorced and then, after some time, I started falling for him again because we had both been working on ourselves and we were still on good terms, but now I have a problem. I'm falling for another guy while also loving my current partner. My current partner knows because I opened up to him about it, but he doesn't want me to pursue anyone else. He wants to stay monogamous and I understand that he's scared, but I feel like I've got a hole in my life. I love my partner, I love this life I have, but I have so much more to give and I wanna share this life with another. I don't really know what to do or how to stop feeling this way

(Update) I won't be responding to this anymore. I got a few helpful responses, but I'm tired of the people who think the worst of me for loving 2 people. Thank you to those who did help

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[–] Zeke@fedia.io 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

@Cevilia@lemmy.blahaj.zone I have no intentions of cheating. I just don't know how to explain to him how I feel and how much it means to me or to reassure him that I'm not cheating and that I still love him just as much

[–] Cypher@lemmy.world 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

If you’ve been in a monogamous relationship and he doesn’t agree to you seeing others then what you’re talking about is cheating and is not ethical.

[–] Zeke@fedia.io 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

@Cypher@lemmy.world

The thing is that I haven't done anything. I haven't acted on anything and I'm not gonna be like my dad who cheated on my mom. I'm trying to figure out how to explain things to him in a way he could understand. To help him see my point of view. I'm not trying to hurt him and I'm not trying to force the matter. I just need to know how to talk about this. I don't want to hear anymore comments about cheating because it's not at all what I'm doing

[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago

He might see your point of view and still not want what you want.