this post was submitted on 15 Oct 2025
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Horror story:
Shaved mine in prep for my first colonoscopy. I know, they see some nasty shit, don't know why I cared. Took TWO bottles of the lemon flavored ass blaster juice.
Ended up holding my ass cheeks apart and screaming at my ex-wife, "Get the neighbor! GET THE NEIGHBOR!" Said neighbor was a nurse but I was in such agony I couldn't think of her name.
Halfway down my ass cheeks, and all the way down from there, my flesh looked sandpapered, sunburned. Pain doesn't make me cry, but my eyes were plenty blurry that night.
And I still had to shit more lemon juice. Try not to think on this story.
What the fuck is "lemon flavored ass blaster juice"??
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnesium_citrate
In solution with water it tastes somewhere between the worlds worst flattest sprite and a sweet lemon.
Edit: I'd marked Sodium Citrate, which is a similar compound but is used for different reasons. Sodium Citrate is an anti-coagulant. If you've ever donated blood plasma, its that weird sterile taste you get in the back of your neck when they feed the blood solids back in with saline. It is also used in nacho cheese.
Why would you drink two bottles of that before a colonoscopy?!
Can't tell if you're joking, but you have to. The doctor prescribes it, and it cleans everything out of your system. By the end, you're just crapping out the lemon drink itself and you're squeaky clean for the camera
Oh shit, didn't know that. Luckily I've never had a colonoscopy! Thanks for explaining!
I think he's mistaking it for magnesium citrate. It pulls water into your intestines via osmosis and makes you squirt constantly.
She, and yes you're correct.
🥵
Your colon is like a road:
Would you rather drive down a smooth, well maintained, Clean road or a muddy mess that's never seen a cleanup crew?
You don't technically have to, but I think whoever is driving the colonoscope might refuse to work in those conditions.
It's not about the driver experience, it's about the road inspection. If the patient has a pre-cancerous polyp the inspector sees, they will cut it out, problem averted. If the patient has a pre-cancerous polyp obscured by stool, it gets missed and then in a few years turns to cancer. And survival rates for colon cancer are depressingly low.
magnesium citrate is probably what he took
Before a colonoscopy, you typically have to drink something called "prep" to clean out your system. For the better part of a day before the procedure, you drink nothing but this liquid that is meant to clean out your intestines, and it makes you shit your guts out until it's nothing but the clear liquid. It's usually lemon or pineapple flavored, and it tastes awful.
Thanks - you've made the rest of us look better, just by sharing your story
My life is better knowing i will.never do this to myself.
What was the neighbor's reaction?
I thought you wanted your neighbour to watch for a moment there
"Oh? That wasn't what you called me for?"
puts away wine bottle
Buddy anything other then soap around you squishy bits is asking for trouble.