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Questions from your child (lemmy.world)

submitted 3 months ago by foofiepie@lemmy.world to c/dadsonly@lemmy.world

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Maybe someone can help me with a question my 10yr old put to me.

‘A few people (in school) think of me as their best friend but I don’t think the same way, I’m best friends with Bob (not his real name :)) instead, and don’t like playing with the others as much. How do I deal with that?’

My initial response was something along the lines of ‘just be as good a mate as you can and be kind to the others’ but I’m not sure I’m getting the nuance.

Any pointers?

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[–] ThePowerOfGeek@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I think your initial response was pretty good. I would add that someone considering you their best friend is a big compliment. And that it's good for your son to treat them with kindness and compassion, even if he doesn't feel the same way.

Also, you could point out that some people have multiple best friends, because it can be a tier of friendship, not necessarily a one-person position. So he doesn't have to necessarily have only one best friend.

My kid has been in a similar situation. He had a birthday party last year, and three different kids wrote in their cards to him "thanks for being my best friend". He was confused by this because he didn't even think he was especially close with two if them. He just considered them as regular friends. So it made him feel a bit awkward. Me bringing up the tier things and pointing out that feelings aren't always mutual seemed to help.

[–] foofiepie@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

How did you describe the tier concept in a way he could relate to?

[–] ThePowerOfGeek@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I think I just used the term best friends (plural) and said that you can have more than one best friend. So you could have two or three who you consider equal best friends. I also pointed out that the advantages of having multiple best friends are: a) you can make multiple people feel valued, and b) if they fall out with or drift away from one best friend they have others who are still their best friends.

But if you want to put the tiers concept explicitly, you can probably use athletes or YouTubers something as being the best. For example, you can have multiple 'bests' but in different sports. Like Gretsky for hockey, Jordan for basketball, Pele for soccer. They are all the best, but in different areas.

[–] foofiepie@lemmy.world 1 points 3 months ago

That’s really solid. Nice one. Thanks.