This is really just a vent post tbh feel free to skip
In high school I had very supportive friends who helped me a ton and dispite being in poverty at the time I still had the time to care about my outward presentation. This ended up making the perfect moment in my life where I ended up focusing a ton on myself and even dispite having to hide it from very homophobic parents when I was out with friends I got called she/her basically every time a stranger saw me (unless I spoke lol)
But life hit hard after those couple months: I lost friends, my mom became bed ridden and eventually passed, I started failing school, a toxic relationship drained all the time I had from my hobbies. So my body hair grew out again, I put on more weight, I couldn't make myself exercise at all anymore, If it wasnt a school day I wouldn't even shower and I often rewore clothes since I would be too tired to do wash.
Well I always thought that when I moved out things would be better. That I'd get on E and become the girl of my dreams again! Instead the only work I could find is in a warehouse, my beard routinly grows to an itchy length because I just don't have the energy to shave, I was forced to move to the other side of the US to a shitty town in Idaho where im surrounded by only trumpies and racists, Ive lost all my friends due to the move. I don't just look like a man, but a whole ass dad to the point my coworkers assume I have kids... Im 19.
I don't have money, I don't have time, and I certainly don't have the energy to be trans anymore. Yet in my dreams when I look into the mirror, I see her, and for a moment I smile like I could when I was just a dumb kid again. And every morning after those dreams I'll wake up and be reminded that the friends family I'm staying with since I almost went homeless (and really need to move out from), even though their use my prefferd name, every action or joke or conversation is undeinably "your clearly a man". And I'm reminded of my sad reality that as I am now I will never come across as even remotely feminin
Um now I'm just a supportive cis who hangs out here sometimes. So you can feel free to ignore.
But I understand this cycle of depression. I'm working out of it myself for different reasons. (Namely having to move back home due to a severe medical issue (now resolved, I'm ok) but am working on figuring out how to go back to work and move back out. My parents are trumpies, and while they know I didn't vote for Trump and that I hate everything about Fox News they have no idea that I'm leftist too (not that they know anything about the left except we're all radical apparently), and Mom is just starting to figure out that I'm atheist too. I'm not out about that to them either)
But don't let it make you feel like you're not trans enough to be called trans. You don't have a bar to meet here. If you identify as a girl/woman, then you are. This "I'm not trans anymore" talk is just the depression being allowed to talk. Don't let it talk loud enough to determine who you are.
Just imagine Trump's face on your depression and punch the fucking shit out of it.
You got this, girl.