this post was submitted on 26 May 2025

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110

Am I a dick if I don't want to meet an old friend for coffee if she brings her babies along? (lemmy.wtf)

submitted 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) by _j_@lemmy.wtf to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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An old friend/aquaintance I've not spoken to in a few years popped up recently and we got chatting a little over text. In the few years since we spoke she's had two babies by two different guys. They're ~6 months and ~2-3 years.

She said that we should get coffee and catch up properly, and I was sort of down, although I'm not really that enthusiastic about catching up with someone I've frankly not thought about in a few years. But hey, it's something to do, and it might be interesting. So I suggested a coffee shop near her and asked if she'd be able to get time away from the kids, but she said that no, she'd have to bring the kids along.

I don't want to be a dick but I'm really not interested in sitting in a coffee shop with two babies. They're mostly just going to be the focus of the occasion because they need constant attention, and I don't really like kids in general. And, if they cry or act up and attract attention I will hate that.

AITA? How do I tell her I'm really not interested in sitting with her babies for an afternoon?

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[–] Adderbox76@lemmy.ca 6 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

You realize that most functional adults have the ability to focus on more than one person at a time right? Just because mom is taking a moment to wipe some spit off of babies face doesn't mean she's not listening to the person on the other side of the table. And the idea of that seems to be exactly the OP's deal (and yours, apparently)

It's not the "doesn't like kids" aspect that makes them the asshole. Hell, I don't like kids. It's the "I'm competing for that person's 100% attention" when I "grace them with my presence" mentality of the post that makes them the asshole.

[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 days ago

You realize that most functional adults have the ability to focus on more than one person at a time right? Just because mom is taking a moment to wipe some spit off of babies face doesn't mean she's not listening to the person on the other side of the table. And the idea of that seems to be exactly the OP's deal (and yours, apparently)

well its fortunate if all the kid needs is an occasional wipe

I "grace them with my presence" mentality of the post that makes them the asshole.

honestly I did not see it as if OP were pretending to be some kind of a higher level individual.

[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 days ago

You realize that most functional adults have the ability to focus on more than one person at a time right? Just because mom is taking a moment to wipe some spit off of babies face doesn't mean she's not listening to the person on the other side of the table. And the idea of that seems to be exactly the OP's deal (and yours, apparently)

well its fortunate if all the kid needs is an occasional wipe

I "grace them with my presence" mentality of the post that makes them the asshole.

honestly I did not see it as if OP were pretending to be some kind of a higher level individual.