this post was submitted on 17 Apr 2025
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I'm tired of the lack of intersectionality when it comes to men being hetero and queer (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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I heard the term "sapphic-coded male" the other day and it hit home in terms of accuracy, and highlighted for me how such a possibility really isn't acknowledged by a part of the left.

There seems to be an association that to be a man you can't value things that women do, or have feminine traits or behaviors, and still be a straight man.

The right is very open about this in a hateful malicious way, the left less so, it's incredibly present in the language used and for more practical examples look at some well known trans women like Contrapoints, Abigail Thorne, and November Kelly. Their ability to present as sexual beings and say suggestive and explicit things is way different as women than it ever was as men.

If a guy openly talk about his love of bondage and kink and just being horny they're either coded as on the right or a creep if they're talking about women (being a thirsty gay guy is ok because they're not straight) but if you're a woman who likes women then culturally it's fine.

To be clear I don't think there's anything wrong with the above individuals and I'm a big fan of all three, which is how this observation came about.

Similarly going on Tumblr or bluesky and seeing posts by women about how they don't get why heterosexual guys don't like cutesy things or behaviors or relationships like bi/gay women do and I want to scream because those guys completely exist and want those things, the division of men into the groups of "stereotypical masc hetero guy" and "gay or non-binary" isn't real and a the left helps perpetuate it by coding heterosexuality as bad or conservative. Also yes I'm saying the left but more accurately mean whatever we're calling the 2025 descendant of Tumblr feminism

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

If a guy openly talk about his love of bondage and kink and just being horny they’re either coded as on the right or a creep if they’re talking about women (being a thirsty gay guy is ok because they’re not straight) but if you’re a woman who likes women then culturally it’s fine.

While I agree there is some demonization of straight masculinity but I don't think this is a "left" or "right" thing but part of the general sex negativity in the culture. I do think that queers and women have worked hard to retake their sexuality and I think some straight men have done it but not in the same way.

I would say that talking about bondage and kink can come off creepy if it isn't done correctly but depends on the context. If you are looking for a good sex positive part of the internet I would recommend looking at Dan Savage Sex & Relationship Website. There you will find lots of straight men talking opening and honestly about kink and sex as well as those who are queer and women.

I think you got to be the change you want to see because the dominant cultural narrative is that there are one type of men which would be the "stereotypical masc hetero guy". With this being the case when people (I mean "2025 descendant of Tumblr feminism" ) talk about "men" this is who they are talking about. If you are not those people they are not talking about you. Be yourself and redefine masculinity to be yourself.

Also I don't think "the left" codes "heterosexuality as bad or conservative" but the right says that is the case without any support.