this post was submitted on 11 Apr 2025
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I'm currently a stay at home husband who does all the cooking, cleaning and dishes. I never felt manlier and have never been so attractive to women (according to my wifes friends at least). Looking forward to our first child arriving soon.
I have plenty of single male friends who seem stuck in their early 20s (even though they're approaching 40). Their only care in the world seem to be "the economy" (something they barely understand), and whatever the newest *-maxxing scam is being promoted on Instagram that will magically make women gravitate towards them. They're all pretty good looking and mostly nice people. The main problem being that they're cheapskates and won't lift a finger for anything not directly benefitting themselves. They don't know how to cook, and learning anything unrelated to their jobs is seen as a "waste of time".
I'm very happy I didn't get stuck in that sort of rut as I've seen how easy it was for my friends.
There really is a bit of a catch-22 in my book that's centered completely around self confidence. If you are proud of who you are, if you are living up to your ideals, you are simultaneously much more attractive to others, and at the same time you realize that you don't need others - but they sure are the cherry on top.
Pygmalion is real. Belief is a powerful thing. Some may even call it "faith".
This is why hope is important.
Reading this, specifically had me think of an old friend i had. He was always sceming. Every time i saw him he had a new one. Weather he was stealing company supplies from his employer, so he could start his own landscaping business, or asking me to use my doordash account, or wanting me to help him start a flower business, which i never helped with any of it because i dont agree with lying/cheating through life, while every bit of his life seemed some backdoor plan- I would have dated him, once apon a time, but ten years into the friendship, he sent me a ben Shapiro video, a d a few years ago, i terminated the friendship. Every thing was transactional with that man. He was good looking and kind, but my god these traits were such a turn off, I dont care if you work at hime depot, or the hardware store- my husband today is a chef- its better than scheming to rip someone off so you can get ahead. Thats selfish imo.
A lot of women find empathy sexy. The women who only go for alpha males are the ones you usually want to avoid.
Alpha male isn't even a thing. Not even in nature. People who call themselves that are mostly delusional assholes no-one likes.
No, they are biologically real, despite it being obsolete nomenclature iirc. Alpha doesn't equate to "good" though. Just dominance.They exist in most if not all tournament species, but not so much in pair bonding apecies.
You can determine what category species fall under just by looking at average size differences of male and female skulls/other bone.
This provides a ton of information about mating habits, intersexual aggression, likelyhood of infidelity, role of males in raising kids and whole lot more.
Humans are in am evolutionary transition period from tournament to pair bonding.
All that being said, the traits selected to determine alphas can be about aggression and dominance and they can be about beauty, collaboration and territorial. Thia gets complex in birds and primates.
Alao, whatever strategy has the best chances of successfully reproducing and surviving through time does not automagically become legitimate, valuable or desireable. You need an extra ingredient for that. Priorities, which require value.
To add onto that, the guy that originally published the "alpha male" study spent a lot of time trying to correct public views and publish corrective studies because he discovered the behavior was only in wolves kept in captivity. IIRC.
Most people can pull a trigger.
It's kind of a thing in certain animals, but not wolves like originally claimed. The certain animals here being mostly primates, so it's even more applicable.
That said, the politics of social primates are notoriously complex and many cultures have unique behaviors within the species, so there aren't really any universal rules particularly among the most social groups.
There is nothing universally sexier than knowing exactly who you are and being perfectly satisfied with it. Good for you, man. Congrats for the bun in the oven too. <3
Right on my dad was my stay at home parent when I was little and he was a green beret in Vietnam. He was by far my most nurturing and loving parent. I was very lucky to have had him
Surely you would learn to cook your own food if you are a cheapskate? It's so much cheaper making your own, I had to through necessity for a long time. While I already knew a few recipes I generally couldn't afford them when I moved out. Beef mince? Hah! Not a chance.
Turns out making your own sourdough pizza from scratch is crazy cheap. Cheese is the most expensive part.
Easy to throw stones when you're not the one responsible for keeping the lights on.
Who's throwing stones? These friends are clearly unhappy and only getting worse because of dumb shit on social media. I'd help them if they'd listen.
You are.
Maybe they're stuck trying to get ahead in their career and don't have the mental energy to focus on anything else. Most single dudes I know are focused on their careers because where they're at doesn't meet their needs or isn't enough to meet their goals even if the goal is as simple as just owning a home and be able to retire someday.