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I saw someone else recommend crowdsec. I'll look into it, thanks
I've heard this mentioned before but I don't really understand how this works in practice. If the VPS was compromised, couldn't they use the VPN to then connect to my home?
I set the VPN tunnel from the VPS to deny everything to the internal network by default, then put the services that need to be accessed on the allow list in the firewall. So the VPN endpoint from the VPS can only hit the very specific IPs/ports/protocols that were explicitly allowed. There is still the possibility of a compromise chain of VPS->service->container/VM->hypervisor->internal network access, but I feel comfortable with those layers.
You could also setup an IDS such as Snort to pick up on that exploit traffic between the services and internal VPN endpoint if extra security is necessary on top of fail2ban and log alerts on the VPS.