So I thought I had figured myself till now. But I was clearly wrong...
So the last few days have been incredibly confusing as I reflected on my gender identity. I'm definitely a boy, that's for sure. I wouldn't want to go by any pronouns except he/him. The they/she stuff simply isn't me.
I don't want to dress up in a feminine manner (I don't think I would be comfortable in skirts and thigh highs and what not...). Like... I haven't tried that yet, but I really doubt I would be much interested in it. I like my current wardrobe.
HOWEVER, I want a feminine-ish body. Like... not boobs or anything. I find boobs quite repulsive. BUT I would definitely love to have a more feminine butt/dick. I like tucking, WHILE loving my dick.
I hate body hair/facial hair. The only place that I like hair on is my head. And while my hair is long-ish, it isn't girl-like long. Like... the intention is not to look like a girl.
I dunno, it's weird I suppose... Here's one way to put it. If estrogen didn't give me boobs, I would LOVE to take it. I would love to have a higher voice, better head-hair, and a girlier butt and dick. BUT I would still identify as a male while being in male-like clothes.
What the hell am I? I'm definitely not trans. I don't think I'm a femboy, as I would hate doing makeup/wearing skirts n stuff. I'm so confused.
Oh, and I'm gay if that's relevant.
Woah I didn't know this abt the nb community.
There was another nb person in the comments who were similar to me in this context. I would definitely be checking out the nb community.
You should!
While supporting friends that came out, I found out that I am a straight hetero dude who is not intereested in being feminine, but I also have no aversion to stereotypically feminine things. I am also not sexually attracted to men, but am also confortable saying some guy is attractive and feel flattered when a guy gives a compliment or assumes I am gay because of being comfortable in non-hetero settings.
I know these things because of either experience or having the opportunity and turning it down because it wasn't for me.
That said, I still have a ton of preferences that reduce the number of women down to a small percentage of the population that include a combination of looks and personality. Having preferences is such a wide possibility of things that seeing sexualities based on what sounds like preferences seems oddly limiting to me. I do get that people who feel that they don't fit in will find a benefit from a supportive comminity of similar people that help them know that they should be comfortable being themselves and they do not need to conform to other people's expectations.
I hope you find the support you are looking for and that you discover more about yourself. You are not alone and everything in your post is perfectly normal.