Ask Lemmy

I have Avoidant Personality Disorder, and from what i have learned and experienced, the main difference between me and someone with NPD seems to be our coping strategy to deal with the low self-value we assign ourselves. While a narcissist makes everything about them to avoid facing their lack of self-worth (replacing the internal issue with external means), i seek to avoid attention because it makes me face my lack of self-worth (the external is what i feel inadequatedly defended against) - this lack is a constant companion for both of us.

Both conditions show signs of significant distortion of the self-image.

Both are malfunctioning coping mechanisms - they worked at early development stages in childhood, when they were adaptions to bad conditions - one needed to be attention seeking to an extreme point, while I had to avoid attention to feel safe. Sadly, these frameworks become a lot more problematic as someone grows up, and these things are hard to change at all (not impossible, but it takes a lot of effort. I have been in weekly therapy for at least 25% of my life, and while i have made advancements, i still struggle daily)

We are both very bad at accepting critique - when i was younger, online comments were able to keep me awake at night, and in-person critique e.g. at work was hell, especially if there's no time to mentally prepare myself for it. I can understand why we both might just delete everything instead of facing it. Damn, sometimes i have to take a few deep breaths to calm myself before i look at my notifications.