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kasaneteto: im getting really fucking sick of all this "it gets better!" bullshit. im going to have depression for the rest of my life. it's not going to """get better""" fuck you
kasaneteto: i have really great news guys, despite it all
#it got better :)
That's the most devious and hateful aspect of depression, the way it makes you believe with 100% certainty in a hopeless future. Like if you felt depression, but you also knew in your bones that it'd pass and you'd be back to a happier state soon enough, it wouldn't be anywhere near as dangerous. But it really warps your sense of reality. You will look back at your depressed self and wonder what the fuck they were thinking. But no matter how many times you go through it, you never remember how transitory it is the next time it hits you. Gotta leave yourself notes and essays to find when you're in the pits of despair, like the fella in the movie Memento 😆
it's in words finally!
yeah it's insidious. it manifests in many ways but the deadliest part is how it can fuck with your sense of self preservation. and I don't just mean ending it all, but also how it feels like a truth etched into reality that any attempt to improve things for your future self is a pointless pursuit.
the only reason im still here is because despite it all, I had some people in my life that helped me get to the door. it comes and goes and it's never intuitive how I can't truly remember how it feels until it's already here, but what's helped is reading my stories from those times of my life. for whatever reason, I find it easier to express my feelings through fiction, rather than writing diary entries. that and therapy. can recommend, very helpful