Oh, thats genuinely so supportive of you that I don’t feel so ok sharing my bad..? I will because it was requested. But I kinda feel bad my mom was the one person who just adored me and everything I was (once I got to my teens and she could relate to me) and I love that but I lost her when I was 23..

It was neglect, rather than bad abuse. Same diff, we all end up broken.

So part of my life without appology -

CW: rape, neglect, etc idk. But CW either way.

::: spoiler Tap for spoiler My mother never wanted offspring and worked really hard to prevent pregnancy throughout her adulthood, before and after the 3-year period in which she was pregnant, she told me as much in my teens. But my dad came home from a trip, got drunk, and raped her. Hence, sibling.

My sibling was a marital rape baby. They look like my mom’s family with the recessive blond and blue genes. They were by far a favorite because everyone assumed my mom couldn’t have kids and they were a “miracle”, rather than that mother was working her butt off to prevent pregnancy, which was the truth.. a truth I follow. They didn’t change miracle opinion when I came around, they assumed sibling was a dam-burst.

My mother was a “good catholic woman” who earned all her accredatiom through catholic schools and colleges, and did not report her husband (a blasphemous lutheran) to anyone for the shitty behavior, because nobody would have cared. She’d have deserved that for marrying a hethan, I’m sure. Catholics aren’t wildly accepting.

Instead, she resolved to be pregnant and miserable for as little time as possible while not having an only child, and I was pooped out 13 mths later. Genuinely wish they had not done that. I was a planned companion because the shit already took hold of their lives. My mom never wanted kids, she wanted to be a doctor, but her religion basically forbade that and abortion, so instead she did all the things she didn't want to do.. She was miserable and gave up early because she was miserable.

When she was diagnosed with cancer at 50 she went directly into hospice rather than trying. I don’t blame her necessarily, I would probably do the same because most people who work with cancer patients don’t bother with treatment themselves because they know the outcome probability, but.. i still feel like if her life had been.. less depressing, she’d have tried to stick around.

But since sibling is a rape baby, my own existence is sort of.. mild..? except they don’t know and I do. And I intend for them never to know even though they are shitty people who haven’t tried to be in my life for over 20 years. Nobody deserves that burden, even my shitty sibling.