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My father has untreated trauma via a fucked up, physically and mentally abusive upbringing and later suffered multiple TBIs he refused treatment for which made him even nastier.

He is a narcissistic, manipulative, bully and only truly respects people richer than him. He is obsessed with wealth and status and has no true friends. He is now elderly, lonely and bored shitless from having zero hobbies after working nonstop into his sixties and won’t leave me the hell alone because I’m one of the few left that can (barely) stand him.

Even still, I catch him lying constantly and I just put it in my pocket because it’s pointless to call him out. If i point out his schemes with evidence or his rose-tinted glasses, he flies into a rage and doesn’t speak to me for months.

He is incapable of grasping how his actions to get back at my mother for divorcing him hurt his children more than anything. He cannot understand why my sibling won’t let him see their grandchild anymore and cut him out of their lives because he accused them of being after the inheritance after trying to reconnect. It’s always, always someone else’s fault when you get down to brass tacks. He always has some perceived enemy, and usually it’s because they refuse to accept the mask and the bullshit behind it.

The worst part is he isn’t always completely awful in short visits. But it took me years to not shut down, disassociate or go into fight or flight mode just being in his presence. He tried despite all this to be a good Dad but it’s his vision of it. His assistance or motivation always has a catch or a price. And he doesn’t see what’s wrong with that. It’s all he knows.

So yea, having lived with this broken ass person in my life for decades, I react to this shitty trope with a level of scorn that is hard to describe.