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Dear diarrhea.
Today went to shit so much that I crapped myself...multiple times.
I wanted to illegally stay in power by inciting a riot, but almost everyone else wanted to do things correctly.
The good news is some poor people died so, hahahaha, suckers and losers.
The guy who changes my poopypants was taken off me when Sleepy Joe took over, so not only do I look like the back end of a long time dead horse but I also smell like one.
Why are people so mean to me?
I wish my bestie Jeffrey was still alive. He'd know of a few 'little' ways to lift my spirits. Make me 'feel very young again', if you know what I mean? ...
...
What I'm saying, diarrhea, is that he'd have a few little boys and girls for me to rape. Just like the good old days.
I deffo shouldn't have had him killed!! Oh well, I bet Elon can help.
That's if I don't get arrested. I don't know what to do now, should I make a run for it? I want to go to Russia but my boss, Vlad, says I've got to stick it out. Why oh why did I let him video me sucking Bubba and getting pissed on by those very young 'prostitutes'?
Anyways better sign off now, I'm planning on stealing a boxes and boxes of top secret documents to sell to hostile countries, lol. Double lol is that they are so secret that most people would get thrown in prison for even touching them but, fortunately for me, no fucker has any balls to ever do anything to me for stealing them. I'll probably stack them in an unlocked room right next to a fax machine so it's easy to copy and send.
Well yours poopily,
Donvict P.D.O Drumpf.