this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2026
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Because society tells attractive women our value is primarily being attractive and losing that is scary since most people aren’t willing to give up the only thing that makes them valuable
When I got fat, people were assholes to me so much more often. They had no patience for me, it was crazy. I got back in shape and I'm worth courtesy and kindness again, apparently.
I'm afraid of aging in part because I'm scared to lose that basic human decency again.
this reminds me of a story. a friend who who underwent HRT and surgical transition early in life with support of her parents. she started dating someone in her mid 20s. he was kind, patient, and gentle to her for the first months of their relationship. then the topic of kids came up. she was upfront with him. "we'd have to adopt. i'm trans" and it was like a lightswitch turned in him. he screamed at her for tricking him and stormed out sticking her with the restaraunt bill. by all of the things that supposedly matter in society, she had done everything right. she was conventionally attractive by femme standards, her physical appearance was so in alignment with femme standards in fact that this secret chud hadn't even realized she was trans. but still, the moment she couldn't perform the full societal standard for what it means to be femme presenting, she was met with threats of physical violence, abandoned, and left to fulfill a responsibility that it had been pre-agreed on he would cover.
and i ask you: who tricked who? the trans woman who in 2013 didn't want to bring up her transness until she knew she was safe, or the man who said he was an ally up until the moment someone he said he loved turned out to require even basic allyship
both of those sounds like a grate reason to be upfront about it with a life partner
i’d be pretty pissed if i didn’t know by the time we're seriously talking about kids
and if someone is that dismissive about something and talking about ‘trans agenda’ now you know they are a bigot
In my experience, talking about kids on dates is something you need to get out as soon as other basic compatibility is established. It's an immediate dealbreaker for many, and it's a critical component of a future relationship. If your date doesn't want kids and you do, you basically skip GO and are straight to "okay well guess we're just friends now" or "nice knowing you".
yep the big deal breakers should all probably air out early
vds, religion, kids, trans, politic