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Is it common after a breakup to lose every mutual friend you had? (lemmy.ca)

submitted 1 day ago by rabber@lemmy.ca to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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A year ago I broke up with my gf of 8 years after finding out she cheated on me and had been for a long time.

I quite literally have zero friends remaining at this point. Every single mutual friend has stayed friends with her and completely ghosted me. I can only suspect I've been slandered and that's why nobody wants anything to do with me anymore. I tried going to local shows as that was my community but it's completely sucked the fun out of things because it's a small city and there's always eyes on me from different corners of the room like I've done something wrong and I don't feel welcome anymore. So I've just stopped attending concerts which used to be my safe space. Standing by myself watching the band while people stare a hole in the side of my head isn't exactly enjoyable.

My lived experience has now taught me that 90% of people are cheaters, liars, and thieves, and while I know that's not reality, it's fundamentally changed the way I approach friendships. I don't open up to people anymore because I don't trust anyone anymore.

I don't think or care about my ex but the friends who ghosted me still cause daily intrusive thoughts. I don't know why I've been abandoned. No closure and no way to defend myself. I never expected how much more it hurts to lose friends than it does to lose a partner.

I miss my friends but they've proven they don't care about me so when they inevitably reach out to me there's no way I'll be able to forgive.

Probably I need to go back to therapy again but just curious if anyone has experienced similar.

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[–] IWW4@lemmy.zip 4 points 17 hours ago

Yes, it is.

So there was a rash of divorces that happened in my extended friends circle when a bunch of the oldest kids graduated high school. My wife and I palled around with about 10 families. We had all met each other our kid’s sports. I was a coach and we got really lucky to have a great group of kids and parents. So when the kids got into high school the sports ended but the connections and freindships remained.

Anyway, three of the couples divorced when their oldest kid graduated high school and afterwards the running joke was who got who after the divorce. Ironically for your post my wife and I went to the ex husbands.

I am not sure if it was a choice more like that is just how it sorted out. We all have busy active lives. There is a limited amount of time for socialization to have to maximize that time.