I tried talking about this with my girlfriend and she kind of didn't give me any input except "I understand why that makes you upset"
Long story short someone I used to be friends with started saying things like they hate me, don't want to see me if I'm around, would actively avoid me.
I initially thought it was a meme or a joke as usually people say stuff like that "I haaate this dude maaan" but jokingly, but then I found out it was real.
I first got mad at my friends for not saying anything, people don't want to take sides so they didn't want to "pick" me or them and say "this person is wrong here". I wasn't okay with someone saying that, and in addition to that I wasn't okay with people saying nothing about this situation. So I stopped talking to everyone altogether, some people DM me here and there, one person has said "other person was in the wrong"
I felt as though someone intentionally was trying to push me out of my own friend group and no one cared, therefore in my eyes it felt like people were okay for me to be pushed out.
Anyways recently people have been trying to get me to hang out again and they just say "just pretend that person isn't there"
I don't know how to cope with this situation, I had lots of fun with those people but because of my BPD I feel like they can never be my friends again. It's a feeling hard to explain but I've had it explained to me as "people with bpd struggle to see gray situations and tend to see everything in black/white". So in my mind that entire friend group is deep black.
I don't really know where this is going, is it possible to even recover this situation? btw I'm not going to bend over or make ultimatums.
I just wish that other person never existed and everything would be okay, or maybe I wish I never interacted with that person ever and this would have never happened.
I don't have the social skillset to decode this situation and my BPD is making it near impossible to not feel empty about it
People often try to minimize conflict to maintain the status quo. They may not mean it to be explicitly personal against you, but that doesn't really feel better when they tolerate people being shitty to you. It feels spineless because it is.
The question for you is whether they make you feel good enough to try to make space away from the people who make you feel unseen or actively disliked. For me personally, I'd rather be around people who will stand up for me than be around people who are kind of lukewarm and wait to experience those moments when they'll show that they don't really care enough about how things affect me to have my back. That doesn't mean I'm going to cut off people who don't jump to my defense, but the amount of emotional investment they show needs to be factored into the emotional investment I give.
If someone can't stand up for me or at least commiserate after the fact and strongly show that they do actually care, what are we actually doing? Like, it's nice to have casual acquaintances as well as closer friends, but if me being mistreated doesn't register, it's probably going to kind of suck spending time in that group. I'd rather spend that time with people who actively enjoy being around me to the point that they want me to feel comfortable.
Personally, the way I process it is that it's either fuck yes or it's no. It's a waste of time and emotional energy chasing after people who don't care enough to be supportive.
Well that also got me thinking, no one stood up for me in this case.