I tried talking about this with my girlfriend and she kind of didn't give me any input except "I understand why that makes you upset"
Long story short someone I used to be friends with started saying things like they hate me, don't want to see me if I'm around, would actively avoid me.
I initially thought it was a meme or a joke as usually people say stuff like that "I haaate this dude maaan" but jokingly, but then I found out it was real.
I first got mad at my friends for not saying anything, people don't want to take sides so they didn't want to "pick" me or them and say "this person is wrong here". I wasn't okay with someone saying that, and in addition to that I wasn't okay with people saying nothing about this situation. So I stopped talking to everyone altogether, some people DM me here and there, one person has said "other person was in the wrong"
I felt as though someone intentionally was trying to push me out of my own friend group and no one cared, therefore in my eyes it felt like people were okay for me to be pushed out.
Anyways recently people have been trying to get me to hang out again and they just say "just pretend that person isn't there"
I don't know how to cope with this situation, I had lots of fun with those people but because of my BPD I feel like they can never be my friends again. It's a feeling hard to explain but I've had it explained to me as "people with bpd struggle to see gray situations and tend to see everything in black/white". So in my mind that entire friend group is deep black.
I don't really know where this is going, is it possible to even recover this situation? btw I'm not going to bend over or make ultimatums.
I just wish that other person never existed and everything would be okay, or maybe I wish I never interacted with that person ever and this would have never happened.
I don't have the social skillset to decode this situation and my BPD is making it near impossible to not feel empty about it
yes but nothing is done about it, I also can't pretend someone doesn't exist
that person (that dm'd me) has asked me what would make this situation oka
To me nothing can make it okay except if they could go back in time and say "were not going to exclude someone we like just because you hate them" but I'm not sure if that's the BPD talking (they made a mistake and thus they cannot be my friend anymore)
I think you're right that this should have been the response and your friends should have stood up for you.
But it also doesn't sound to me like they were deliberately excluding you. Especially coupled with the "just pretend the other person isn't there" it sounds like they're mostly just too scared of conflict and were hoping the issue will go away by itself. Which is still poor behaviour but also not necessarily a sign of them not wanting you in the group. So my personal take is that you're right to demand that your friends stand up for you more. But if they can do that and do stand up for you, I think it would also be fair to give them a second chance. Everybody makes mistakes at some point, it's how people respond to those mistakes that really defines them imo.
there's definitely some conflict avoidance