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I am a father by choice, but I truly struggled as a parent for the first year or so of my first child's life. I loved my son, in the way that I was absolutely certain that I would run into a burning building to save him, would gladly give my life to protect him, but I didn't have that bond with him... if I'm being honest I think I didn't truly like him during this time. It was more like a responsibility that I took very seriously than the kind of warm love that may be the ideal that people have in mind for how father's feel about their children.
Once he had outgrown his crib, I decided to renovate a bedroom in our home for him. I painted, decorated, built furniture, and generally turned this room into a toddler's paradise. It came time to let my son see it and my wife brought him to the room.
This child's reaction was the most genuinely beautiful thing I had ever seen. He could barely form words at this age, but the sound of him shouting "Meees Happys!! Meeees Happppys!!!" over and over and screaming in pure joy as he explored this space was indescribable and will be forever etched into my heart until my dying day.
It absolutely took over my soul in a way that I can't describe. From that point on I got it.
I tell this story to new dads in my life all the time because I wish I had known that I would get it eventually instead of feeling broken for the first 18 months of my son's life.
I changed that day from a man doing his duty for his family to a dad and I never looked back.
It's really common for men not to bond with kids for a while. Could be 3 months, could be 18 months, eventually the bond happens and it's becomes an amazing experience. Shame we don't talk about it, because living in the dark makes it so much worse to go through. For me it was when the little larva started to smile at me. It clicked then.