I'm a 52-year-old father, and I'm honestly at my wit's end here. My 22-year-old son wants to change his last name to "Carrington," and it's driving me absolutely crazy. You see, he was named after me, and now he wants to throw that away just because he doesn't like our family name. He's been talking about this since he was 15-17, but I foolishly believed it was just teenage angst that would fade away with time. But here we are, years later, and he's still hell-bent on becoming a "Carrington." Why?
Well, for one, he's never liked me or my last name, and he's not close to my side of the family at all. My parents are in their 90s and still alive. I have siblings, but my son never spends time with them, and neither did I ever let my son visit them. The last time my son saw my parents or my siblings was when he was 10 years old, and that was it. But still, that doesn't give him the right to change his last name, let alone to that of some character name he likes.
Because he watched some soap opera called "Dynasty" and fell in love with their last name. I mean, seriously? Changing his name to a fictional character's name from a TV show sounds absolutely ridiculous to me. I'm really struggling to understand this whole situation. We don't have any Carringtons in our family, and it feels like he's disrespecting our family lineage and his ancestors. It's like he's trying to cut ties with his own heritage, and that just breaks my heart.
If he had a valid reason, like adopting his mother's maiden name, changing his last name to his wifes name or for religious reasons, I would probably be more understanding. Heck, if he was transgender and changing his name to better reflect his identity, I would fully support him. But this? It feels like he's going through some sort of identity crisis and hates himself for no good reason. I've suggested that he consider professional help or therapy to sort through his feelings and understand why he's so adamant about this change.
But he brushes it off, saying he's sure about this decision. I'm his father, and I can't help but feel like it's my business too. After all, I named him, and our family name has been passed down through generations. Now, it seems like it'll stop with him.I want him to know that I still love him, but I won't call him "Carrington." To me, he'll always be my son with the name I gave him. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but changing his name to something so fictional just seems immature and crazy to me.
My son also has no respect for me whatsoever. He doesn't like me, care about me, and finds me annoying. He straight up said, 'I couldn't give a fuck less about you or your opinion. The fact that you think I should care proves how utterly stupid you are.' He doesn't consider his mother's brother or cousin his 'family' either, and he truly doesn't give one fuck about what I feel about this decision.
TL;DR: My 22-year-old son wants to change his last name to "Carrington" just because he watched a soap opera and liked their name. I think it's ridiculous, disrespectful to our family lineage, and shows a lack of understanding about his own identity. I won't call him "Carrington" and hope he'll come to his senses soon. Any advice would be appreciated.
ESH
When you have a kid, it is your job to take care of them until they are an adult, hopefully give them some guidence in order to be happy and successful. And during this time, you can set rules for behavior and consequences for breaking these rules to make sure that their impulses don't get the better of them. But then, once they are an adult, they are an adult. You have no rights to control their life or their descisions, other than offering your own perspective or opinions. And if you want them to respect your perspective when they are an adult, you need to build that trust and relationship when they are a kid.
It sounds like you failed to build any kind of a positive relationship with your son when he was younger. So your opinion doesn't matter to him. And let's take a step back - he hates you. He has not seen anyone on your side of the family since he was 10. Is there anything good or noble or noteworthy about your family history? Does he know about this at all? It sounds like you are mostly pissed off here about your legacy - but if you wanted a legacy, you should have put the work in earlier to make sure your son would give a shit about it. I completely understand not having any connection to his name.
On the other hand, changing your name is an annoying legal process, and you have to tell everyone you know to start calling you something different. It sounds like he is making an overly dramatic symbolic gesture about something that ultimately doesn't matter, instead of going to therapy and moving on with his life. Also, picking his chosen name from a soap opera sounds super cringe and childish. It's like naming yourself Sonic. He should just pick a normal name that a normal person would have - if he wants it to be a reference to some artistic work, then fine, but that shouldn't be something you share with everyone. The most likely course of his life if he goes through with this is (1) "what?" "how do you spell that?" and (2) explaining that he named himself after a soap opera character due to his poor relationship with his family - which says a lot about his descision-making processes, and may cost him friends, relationships, and job opportunities.
My rec:
You need to stop caring so much about your son's name and start caring about your actual legacy - your relationship with him. Which would start with apologizing for trying to control him here, admitting you were wrong to do so, outlining steps you are taking to improve in the future, and then consistently following that plan.
He needs to go to therapy, or at the very least, pick a normal name that doesn't come from a soap opera.
I couldn’t imagine having this opinion, lol. If someone I don’t know changed their last name to “Wayne,” I truly couldn’t give a fuck less one way or the other. I couldn’t imagine having a strong opinion on what someone else does with their body and name—especially if I don’t know this person.
And changing your last name to “Carrington” is not the same thing as changing your name to “Sonic.” You said to change it to a normal name, but Carrington is a normal name. Do you know how many Waynes, Kents, or Starks there are? There is literally an actor named “Oliver Stark.” No one cares that he happens to share a name with Iron Man, so your point makes zero sense.
"at the very least, pick a normal name that doesn’t come from a soap opera."
Again, “Carrington” is a normal name. Just because a fictional character has that last name doesn’t mean that last name is somehow “not normal.” That is illogical and makes no sense. By this logic, the names “Kent,” “Bruce,” and “Peter” are not normal, and no one should name their kids these names.
And Dynasty is a show no one really remembers. It was a soap opera from the ’80s, got rebooted in 2017, and then ended in 2022. No one really cares about the show; it wasn’t that popular. The actors and actresses who were in the show are B-List celebrities at best. If he went around saying, “My name is [insert first name] Carrington,” most people would not care, and some of them might be like, “Oh, those characters from that old soap opera had that name too,” and then keep it moving.
Truly, no one gives a fuck about other people this much to care. Your comparison to “Sonic” makes zero sense whatsoever because that name is specifically tied to an iconic character and a fast-food place, so that name is obviously weird and obscure. “Carrington” is a normal name a lot of people have.
And again, what if he really likes it? Should he just keep his last name as it is and be miserable? What’s the point of changing it to something you don’t really like anyway?
I can guarantee you that you never even heard of the show Dynasty until this post, which further proves my point. And again, by this logic, people with the names “Alvin” and “Peter” should go and legally change their names since they share them with fictional characters—it’s not “normal,” right?