this post was submitted on 13 Apr 2026
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still agree with that. it's a stupid standard that hurts and shackles people rather than help them
so many loving relationships are torn because an affair, even an emotional one, even if one partner does noting but just develops feelings (100% out of their control), or worse, jealousy. all because monogamy is the standard.
ask elder people who were married through most of their lives and they all have stories of those hardships and how it hurt them.
wouldn't it be nicer and simpler of cheating was viewed with the same severity as cheating in a diet? rather than being a devastating blow to a relationship and might even lead to severe social punishment?
We are animals we need connections and we aren't always in control regarding what connections form.
So am I correct in saying under your framework monogamy can never be chosen freely? Or would it be at more accurate to say that if it was chosen it'll be chosen via action and not agreement?
Humans can't control what they feel, you cannot agree to not develop feelings or interests on other people, doing so is inherently dishonest, not to your partner but to yourself. and expecting it from your partner is equally unfair.
yes, two people can agree that they expect all their romantic and sexual needs to come from within the couple and promise not to engage romantically or sexually with other people. But if it wasn't because it is the social norm, that would seem a strange and ridiculous expectation.
I myself am poly but I've been in a relationships where the other person wasn't comfortable with it and agreed to monogamy and have been on the giving and receiving end of infidelity. As I've gotten older I've understood the damage I've done and how to properly engage with those feelings and have an open and honest discussion.
I think we actually agree more than it seemed. Feelings aren't choices. Actions are. And the social punishment for failing at monogamy is often brutal and unfair. I just think two people can still freely say 'don't act on it and if they both mean it, breaking that hurts. That's all.
my main take (right now, it likely changed though the many conversations and branches this thread has) is that monogamy is the normarive standard pushed by religion and states. and everyone should at least question it. regardless if they end up agreeing on it or not.
That we can agree on.
🤝
Have a good day/night (time zone appropriate thing).