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What's astonishing to me, as an American who grew up in white conservative rural and suburban areas, is that the racism is just one facet of a much larger shitty state of existence.
I see the same things IRL from ordinary people, like extended family, that I see from the people in the media who seem like hyperbolic caricatures trying to test Poe's law.
It's just an existence based in negativity. Every request has a hurried frustrated tone. Every discussion is composed entirely of complaints. The complaints about others are bigoted sure, but also very focused on money and material possessions which those other people never deserve and the speaker is neverrrrr jealous about. Personal identity is built from all the things you don't like.
I have a good relationship with my family, but they are still miserable and draining to be around.
Why would you tolerate this?
I find the balance. They are less than a half hour drive away and we don't see them all that often.
My kid has grandparents and cousins he likes. Fortunately at most of the get-togethers at grandma's house, we tend to separate into two floors of the house. So I get to hang with my nieces and nephews and spend most of the time with walls between me and the old miserable people.