this post was submitted on 13 Mar 2026
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Walk outside, and ask, in a really loud, clueless voice:
"Hi, guys! Watcha doin'? I'm just askin', cuz y'know, you guys are out here, and I'm just wonderin' why? Is somethin' goin' on? You guys on official business? Who ya aimin' at? Can I get look? I'm never looked through a scope before, I bet it's wicked cool, can I try? You guys need anything? Water, Doritos? Need to use the bathroom? I bet you do now that I mentioned it, huh? Isn't it funny how that works? So you guys going to be around all day? That's cool, I think I'll just hang out, and keep you guys company, I'll go get my folding chair, sure I can't get you anything..."
They'll leave.
This is the US. If OP is white, he’d get arrested and jailed for a day for obstruction until a judge throws it out. If brown, he’d be added to ICE’s hit list. If black, he’d be shot.
Best bet would be to disguise yourself as a dog and start humping their legs
Not a good idea. Police shoot dogs for fun. Y'know ... "The labrador wagged its tail at me! I feared for my life!"
This is why you make your dog costume out of kevlar
Take one of the trash bins and roll off lol
"HOA's gonna send me a fine if I don't put these away. Sorrrrrry!"