Shitty Superpowers

No matter who it is or how strong they are, nobody can stop you from fondling their balls. If you can see them, then you can fondle them no matter what object or threat stands in your way you will fondle the balls.

Kind of a strange sentence so I’ll explain further. Imagine you have a baseball that you toss in an arc. At any point you can activate the power to teleport. The location you arrive at will be one where the ball will strike your palm in the next fraction of a second. Hence making you “catch” it.

The power cannot activate if the ball strikes a solid surface, or if the space you are teleporting to is not empty.

Additionally, the ball must be propelled by your hand directly. Balls hit with bats or rackets do not count.

The ball itself must be at least 2.5 grams and have a density of at least 0.08 g/cm^3. That’s roughly the measurements of a pingpong ball, for reference.

“Ball” here does not mean perfect sphere, only a roughly spherical object. A lemon would count, but not a frisbee, for example.

Finally, no matter your orientation when you begin the teleportation, you will always end it standing upright. That is taken into account when determining if there is enough empty space to teleport.

and i mean human or animal ashes. you can pick the fruit. still has a slight aftertaste. no cooldown

But you immediately shit

Somewhere in the universe, there's another intelligent lifeform, with development at a stage roughly equal to our own. They make and share video recordings edited to be emotional, informative, inspirational, or entertaining, and you know and recognize all of it (translated to your native language, of course).

You just don't know where they are, what they look like, the overall story lines, and possibly a way to convince anyone else that this is a real thing.

If they’re legally a doctor, it counts.

You can decide to spare a doctor who touches you if you feel like it.

If you touch them yourself, the power still activates.

You will no longer have to poop when you use it. It will be doubled and a random person will have to poop that amount

If you need to pee you can fly,l like Superman

Anyone that is targeted by this power will get the irresistible urge to watch the entire Shrek 2 movie from start to finish down to the last end credits no matter what happens.

They will do anything to watch Shrek 2 such as buying the entire movie, pirating it online, or selling their own organs just to get a copy of Shrek 2 and watch it.

They become hostile to anyone and anything that tries to stop them from watching Shrek 2 such as destroying the tv or pulling them away from the screen.

They have no other will or desire but to watch Shrek 2 no matter the cost, even if it takes their own life.

The power has a limit to only work on 5 people at once and could only be used again once one of them has successfully watched Shrek 2.

There is also no cool down.

only lightly though

That one is actually real!

Only their complaints and negative thoughts constantly. You can't turn it off

Thats it. You just absorb them

even Silent farts. But making fart noises with your mouth immediately kills you and you explode

You have to ask them permission first and explain why you're asking otherwise you just smell stinky farts without the Power

Essentially you burn alive and can not regenerate