Joke Conspiracies

It simply has to be. Every stupid thing that has been happening can only be explained by the theory that it has to happen because it's in the script

America's formative years were shaped by the king they thought they were free of and the British royal family now are all descendents of an American general

My psychiatrist periodically has me get my blood taken so he can see if my meds are having any negative side effects. How do I know this is necessary? Seems like a good cover story to collect DNA.

Or maybe, it's to appease vampires so they don't have to hunt us

Movies owned by the Disney company generate a lot of merchandise: Disney, Pixar, Marvel, Star Wars. But technology is leading to a decrease in the sale of physical toys. What better way to get kids interested in toys again than a movie about how the toys are sad kids are neglecting them in favour of technology.

Note: I do not in any way believe this. It's just a "what if" crackpot thought I had when I woke up this morning to a dead, unrecognizable SSD in my "beater" laptop and filled out the warranty claim.

Cheap SSDs that have generous 3-5 year warranties (3 years in my case) are designed to "fail" sometime within that period so that you'll send them in for RMA. They don't fail due to any component failure, just a pseudo-randomly timed soft brick that can only be reactivated by the manufacturer. When you RMA it, they reset the killswitch and harvest your data. The replacement you get is just one that someone else has RMA'd that they have un-bricked.

He wishes to invade Portland because he figures the drugs are coming in through all the ports

What other explanation can there be for how he's been allowed to get away with this fuckery and seize power? We are living in his delusional fantasy.

Reproduction is simply a means to make more gay.

Happy pride 🏳️‍🌈

They discovered that our dimension's abundance of cows makes for an excellent organ harvesting operation without having to risk breaking any laws in their dimension.

The puppets puppet their "puppeteers". All the acts? Well, plausible deniability and honestly, they enjoy entertaining as a hobby anyway.

Sesame Street is the biggest operation by puppets engineered during television's rise to ease children into the understanding of who really runs things.

Oh and regarding children's shows with "people in suits", sure there are people in them, but they're being run by the "suits". That was a whole new advancement in the puppets' technology.

I have relatives who just took a trip to Florida. They were rebooked about five times on their way there and on their way back. Both ways, they were stranded somewhere overnight. Both ways, they kept having to get off planes before takeoff cause of "mechanical issues". I think, due to recent political upheaval, airlines are dicking with people to discourage international travel.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/15988612

Makes you think. Or more likely not

Political commentary talk shows on network TV studios spewing far-left and far-right rhetoric are especially designed to make viewers not listen for that hour. That's when studios do all their cleaning, etc. The studio has to be vacuumed sometime, after all! If this sounds unlikely to you, look at it this way: do YOU know anyone IRL who actually sits down and watches any of those shows? I thought not.

The raison d'etre of ransomware isn't to collect a ransom but to push up the value of Bitcoin