Screw your figs, Cato! The gods decided we need to conquer Gaul!
this post was submitted on 07 Oct 2026
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Sacre bleeeurgh.
you should have written for Mad Magazine.
Thank you and/or how dare you, depending on your opinion of the magazine in question!
***Warning, kind of a disgusting story about my beagle. Goddamn beagles really do eat almost anything and have a never ending appetite. Mine learned how to dig through the bathroom trash and would pull out my wife's used tampons and eat them. Didn't realize it until one day outside I see the dog was struggling to take a shit and I could see the string hanging out. Fixed that problem, years later this dog is 15 years old now, I come home a find a huge pile of vomited dog food on the carpet. Go to clean it only to find this dog ate three pairs of my wife's thong panties, and I assume vomited it all up because her system was blocked up. My wife doesn't leave her underwear on the floor for a second now, because this dog is consistently searching for something to eat
I had a beagle growing up and I think she's a large part of why I'm a cat person today. She would eat anything she could get her jaws on. Trash, toys, her own bodily waste, I do mean anything. Those anti-chewing bitterant sprays? She considered them a delicacy and ate through an entire stair corner we sprayed with it.
I lost count of how many beloved toys, Nintendo cartridges, and difficult to replace cables (back in the old days nothing was standardized) she chewed through, and no matter what type of trash can protector we used she'd still somehow manage to get inside to scatter that tasty, tasty garbage throughout the entire house.
She was a lovely and loving dog, but the constant messes and horrible smells she generated (a kitty litter box has nothing on beagle farts) form a core memory from my childhood.
I've seen cats pull bloody tampons out of the trash. But underwear is a new one.
I have a lab, and he's ALWAYS begging for food. Often things that would kill him or make him sick. But I leave the big bag of dog food that he gets for his morning meal right on the floor in the kitchen. He could easily shove his head in there and eat it all, but he's never even tried. This dog LIVES for food/treats. I have no idea if he's just that good of a good boy or he's just too dumb to figure it out lol
My late dobie would shred the big bags open and eat herself stuffed, if she managed to get to them. Had to have all dog food in closed and locked containers, because she could open doors as well. She would also eat anything tasty left on the tables and could always reach them, so our kitchen was very minimalistic. My retriever though, now takes it even further, and eats even the vegetables if they are left out. Sigh.
Lol that's amazing
I had 3 beagles (at once!) growing up. Every Tuesday and every other weekend, my dad and my absolute wicked stepmother would get custody of me and my brother. She had two boys as well which were younger
It
Was
Bedlam
Beagles will honestly eat about anything
I used to live on a a farm, and we put out some birdseed every morning. We once made the mistake of leaving the bucket open and you can guess what happened
Fast forward a few hours and I walk out to find the most horrendous smell of my life. Turns out he ate about half the bucket (and it was a big bucket) before projectile shitting all over the verandah. This stuff was like gravel and it was everywhere
My sister's beagle (apparently she wasn't as traumatized as I was by our childhood dog) once ate an entire box of brownie mix. Luckily the chocolate content wasn't enough to do any serious damage; unluckily she then had the mother of all diarrhea explosions in my sister and brother-in-law's bed.
Ain't nothing but a horn dog,
"If they will not eat, then perhaps they shall drink". IYKYK
RIP sacred chickens, you tried to warn them.
Time to declare a new Republic?
The si-yeeeechtxth republic.
That's the sort of thing that would have changed the direction of an entire ancient empire...
Mine just threw up a cheese wrapper.
Maybe he's just building up to the French flag.
He's also not blind, just very arthiritic. So maybe it's something he needs to mature into.
Bro really said 🐶🤮🇫🇷
Or is it half a Dutch flag? Hmmn?
Man the ramparts! The French are coming!
I actually know about a surprising amount of blind beagles. Is it a breed weakness?
Yeah it is, they have a predisposition to glaucoma among other things
Weakness? That's a show of strength. Sight? Hah. Beagle doesn't give a shit. Dog on. Who needs it.