Okay this post has been up 30mins and no one has said it yet, so I'm just gonna say it:
Bidet.
Have a great day.
this post was submitted on 24 May 2026
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i think this is more of a
i thought i was done pooping, but after cleaning up i feel there's more
situation
bidets are great, but they won't fix this problem
Marker butt? Bidet will absolutely fix that if you turn the water pressure up to just below accidental enema.
nono, not that. a full incoming (outcoming?) load that delayed its arrival until you were already clean
and when i have access to bidets i never really use it like a jet poop blaster, i just clean my butt with my hand and then yk, wash my hands. i feel like aiming water in attack mode at a thing i can't see would end up in me being soaked sooner rather than later
*shituation
Yeah but you don't have to awkwardly hold your hand out to the side while you wait for your butt to squeeze out the next one.
you can also just rest your hand on your lap, you don't need it to be locked on target the whole time lol
But what if it's got a bit of poo accidentally on it?
then into the toilet it goes, and grab a fresh one
I ain't got enough money to buy new hands
ohhh you use those toilet and bidet combos. i only used them seperately so either way i had to get up and clean my hands first
Most people in the states are afraid of them. Maybe they feel demasculated or are brain washed by big TP. I don't know. It took me about 30 years to buy one and i must say it is life changing.
I do not understand the bizarre attachment some people have to smearing shit around their asshole with dry paper. You wouldn't clean your hands of shit with dry paper, this is why wet wipes were invented; a bidet is a wet wipe that you never run out of and doesn't clog your goddamn sewage system. More to the point, you can get a heated seat, with heated water, and a fan to dry your ass afterwards; all for just a couple hundred bucks. This sounds like a lot until you realize the amount of toilet paper you no longer need to buy every month, it pays for itself quickly. You can install it in an afternoon, and shit in absolute luxury that kings of yore could have only dreamed of every day for the rest of your life.
Or you can keep smearing shit around your asshole with dry tissue paper.
It makes you soft. You will forget how to deal with butt mud when you find yourself in a stall with the transparent single ply.
You're preaching to the choir here. I wanted to try one for years before I bought mine but absolutely no one around me uses it. Once I bought it, I realized I've been missing out for decades.
I don't suggest an electric one. I bought a vovo electric one. It overheated, fried the circuit board, and started spewing water non stop in the toilet. Support said it's not their problem and to pound sand. I bought a simple knob controlled one and have had zero complaints, even in the winter with cold water.
Is this a regional thing? Most people I know in the USA are either enthusiastic about the product or at least intrigued by the concept.
I'm not sure who you're talking to. I live in a city and tell others they should try a bidet and I'm met with ew, no nearly everytime. I have a few friends who adopted it and love it like I did.
The one we have is so powerful on the top setting, it will actually shoot water up your butt, which also can trigger a round 2 situation
Free enema
Well it wasn't free.
My face when I checked the plumber's bill.
is that the one that's the $35 cold water enema hooked up to the main?
Round 2
FIGHT!
🍑 💦
Actually, our plumber was going to install one in our new bathroom. And then he just didn't. :/
if you are in the united states they make this thing called a washlet. it's basically what they call a bidet here. it's a combined toilet seat and bidet, so you don't have to do the waddle of shame to a different fixture. fancy ones have warm water, blow driers, heated seats, cameras, play songs when you sit down or stand up, like the works. toto is the top brand.
I think I can do without the camera
that's fine, the infrared and laser sensors will capture your unique anal signature and track your leavings just fine
Yes, that's what I have, just a seat attachment not a separate fixture! Like $60 CAD and I installed it in an hour or so.
How do you heat the water when the outlets are in the opposite wall :(
We use a cold water one. You barely notice. It's a bit refreshing.
I have a fancy one that heats the seat, and the water, and the air. The settings I use, it's supposed to heat just the water, and just slightly, but I'm pretty sure it's just a placebo. The seat gets so hot on medium that it feels like my nuts are being cooked, so off with that bullshit. Fan heating off too, unnecessary.
It's kinda like being eaten out. It's odd the first couple of times but it's not bad, you get used to it.
But... Butthole icicles :(
in california in summer, cold water is nice. in minnesota in winter, yeah i was going to stab anyone that came between me and johnny (yes i named my bidet johnny)
Johnny rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard!
I was about to post about the greatness of bidets. I use water to blow my shit covered butt and get right back in the game. I don't have to wait for the whole toilet paper wipe and then you have more to shit.
I got a tushy bidet. Easy to install. It's tushybidet.com and not tushy.com. that's a different website.
While this improves the situation, it doesn't grant you a guaranteed win every time. You make that assumption once.
Source: literally getting my ass sprayed rn
I get why it's better in so many ways. But for the topic of this particular post, it could have made things worse. As in a return trip soon after once you get moving. Whereas physically disturbing things sometimes encourages completion.
butt, wait!
Or a change of fart.
Engage human crayon mode.
"It's like wiping a marker."
i have become pastel
Like getting peanutbutter out of a shag carpet.
Pro-tip: let it dry overnight and it's easier to cut out.
Okay.