interestingasfuck

Leaving this here in case it helps anyone: Thinking depression means being sad is inaccurate. When you are depressed you feel empty, life lacks meaning and apathy sets in. And it is very easy to ignore initially.

As it gets more difficult, motivation starts to diminish dramatically, it may lead to anger because of your inability to remediate it or sadness because you feel helpless and lost as you face something invisible.

It's a pretty slippery slope and suicide often becomes the first thing you think of as life becomes more and more painful with all of it's obligations. Death does not seem as scary anymore because if becomes perceived as a way out of all this pain. Happiness dissapears out of your sight and all you see in life is this daily incessant pain. It's especially hard for men often because we are not raised to deal with emotions or talk about them. Ironically the more sane you perceive yourself to be or the more you think of yourself as privileged if you had loving parents and a good home, the more it becomes alienating to accept that your suffering is valid and that you should not judge it.

** It is completely okay as a grown man to cry.**

I nearly made that mistake, more than once and I am happy to have failed in both of my suicide attempts. And I am especially so thankful to have gotten enough courage to seek help from a psychologist, someone that has spent more than 10 years and gotten true expertise at dealing with mental problems.

Things are far better now, but my heart remains with others during their lonesome times, you're not broken, it happens to the best of us. Seek help, at least for your loved ones whose lives would never be the same once you leave.