I am M41. I have a son who is 5, almost 6. The little guy is quite sensitive and cries relatively easily:
- He hates having to wash his hands. Mom and I wash our hands right away when we come home from outside, and often after touching dirty things or before meals. He hates it. He often cries when asked to wash his hands, sometimes for 10 minutes or more. Saying "we also do it" does not help. Washing his hands for him does not help. I asked him what are the worst things about washing hands, but he could not elaborate.
- One day recently, when I took him home from daycare (it was around 16 in the afternoon), he asked me to play with him. I said: "I need to empty the dishwasher first; then I will come play with you." He broke down and cried until I finished my housework and came to play with him.
- He wants Mom to put him to sleep every night. If my wife is out and he has to go to sleep with me, he sometimes cries himself to sleep. I have not found anything I can do that helps.
Whenever he cries or is otherwise in the grip of negative emotions, I try to be as supportive as I can without encouraging it. I talk softly to him, hug him if he wants it, stay close to him if he wants it, and go away if he wants that. I try to praise him when he DOES manage to calm himself down, and NOT reward him for throwing tantrums.
When he cries he often asks to watch TV. I try to avoid letting him watch TV to calm down, but once in a while I cave in and give him TV.
All these things have always been problems, but it seems to me that these behaviours have grown worse this last half year. Do you have any advice?
Thanks in advance!
The handwashing struggle reminds me of autism or adhd and sensory overload- doesn't mean he's on the spectrum, but you might do some research and keep your eyes open for for other signs. If hes on the spectrum diagnosis is easier as a child, and there may be resources for both you and him
I have ADHD and was a pretty sensitive child myself, and struggled with the sensory feeling of hand washing for long time
Thanks for the reply! I do have Asperger myself (though I do not have these particular problems, nor did I as a child).
I have talked to him a couple of times about the hand-washing, and as far as I can tell it does not appear to be sensory. When I ask him whether it feels uncomfortable or painful or weird for his hands, he says no.
Still, it might be worth getting him tested. Thanks.
Hmm. Yeah not getting any feedback from him as to what the struggle is feels like it'd be really frustrating as a parent, trying to figure out what to do to support him
Neurodivergence does tend to get passed down so its definitely worth keeping back of mind. But yeah I can see how that'd make sensory issues feel like a less likely explanation
Sending love, I hope you're able to find a path that takes things in a direction that works well for the both of you, this seems like kind of a challenging situation to navigate as his dad
Thanks.