Reprieve

I'll vent a bit here to get started. When I was 15 I was sexually assaulted by a woman and no one would believe me. Or if they did believe me, it was the "well what's the problem, was she ugly or something?" Usual spiel. I still have PTSD over this but I cannot speak of it to anyone because it's the same shit over and over again. When I was 16 my girlfriend put out her cigarette on me for the first time. This would continue for the next year and a half before I managed to leave her. I still have over a dozen scars inflicted by her.

I have an EXTREMELY hard time trusting anyone or forming attachments in general because of what's been done to me and I really don't have anyone to talk to about it other than my brother, who went through his own physical. When I was 21 I got into a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship and I let that go on for three years because I had been conditioned into thinking that it was normal, and I had to just "man up" and take it in my previous relationship so I considered the step down from physical abuse to be a bit of a blessing. It wasn't.

I wish I had had someone to tell me that none of this was okay, that I did not have to let myself suffer through these things, that just because I was a man did not mean that I was a free ride to whoever wanted me and I shouldn't compain because I "got some", that I am a human being who has feelings and emotions and should be allowed to express them without being threatened with physical harm.

I want everyone in this place to be that kind of person for everyone else in this place. I want this to be a place free of judgement to share the things that you can't share with others. And I want us to come together as a community to support everyone who comes here seeking help. Life fucking sucks but together we can make it a little less sucky.

I did not even expect to hit 10 subscribers total to be honest. I hope this community can be a helpful and positive experience for everyone. I know I have felt alone at so many times in my life and felt I had no one to turn to. I have been SO lucky to have a wonderful brother without who I probably wouldn't be alive today. But I know some people aren't lucky enough to have that support. And it's clear so many men feel this way too in this world, and they end up finding role models wherever they can.

Unfortunately they have been in some horrible people lately. I started this with the idea of people just coming together for a common cause - to have a space to talk about the sensitive topics that many may not want to or cannot talk about with their real life people, to get perspectives and support from other people who have been in similar situations, and to hopefully make life a little less shitty for everyone in the process. Thank you everyone for being willing to take part in this with me, and to hopefully create our own little family with better advice and role models than the Internet currently offers.

If anyone has any questions for me or just want someone to talk to one on one, please please feel free to reach out!

This video brought up for me the absolute sameness of what is marketed as men's clothing and acceptable forms of self-expression